Dating and Relationships

The Only Dating Mantra You Need

The Only Dating Mantra You Need

“What’s meant for me will never miss me.”

If you are anything like me and you are someone who identifies as spiritual and also single, you may have found yourself confused by what the best way is to approach being single and attracting a partner.

Law of attraction experts suggest that you should visualize what you want, release any negative emotions from not having it yet, and then allow it to flow your way. In other words, keep what you want in your thoughts. Keep stating what it is that you desire.

You may have read or heard advice from these experts that goes something like this:

Open your heart and your home and make emotional and physical space for your partner.

Also, don’t forget to be strong and independent on your own and not need a partner. Have a full life on your own and therefore be an attractive partner.

Oh, and act as if they are already here. That really helps on an energetic level. Be grateful as if you already have what you want. In other words, vibrate on the frequency of your desire.
But also, make sure you are not seeking anything. You don’t want to be walking around in life looking as if you were “looking.”

And don’t overbook yourself; remember that you need “space” in your life for that person.
Expect miracles!

But, don’t have expectations!

Tell the universe exactly what you want and trust that it’s already there.

But be open-minded for what may arrive as it may look different than what you imagined.

Don’t be attached to the outcome! Enjoy the journey!

Be content with the idea that you may never meet the “ONE ,” and only then will he or she be able to come your way.

Believe without any doubt that what you want will be yours…

The list and the mixed messages go on and on. And as they do, often does each dating experience that you encounter.
How do we make sense of it all? With all this advice floating into our lives in the way of Instagram posts, books, blogs, and dating gurus, are we all supposed to be ready for miracles and expect the best, or pretend that we low-key don’t care? Do we fill our schedules with friends and hobbies or do we leave space for the ONE? Are we going out there in the world trying new things, hoping that person would be doing the same, or should we not seek anything because we are acknowledging it’s not there yet and therefore not allowing it to come our way?

As I ask myself all these questions on my own single journey, I start to wonder, what’s the truth, really? I don’t want to be jaded, cynical, and resigned, as those are terrible places to be for multiple reasons — but I also want to be free. I don’t want to judge myself for not mastering the attraction thing fast enough.

As awakened and conscious beings, we have responsibility for and ownership of where our lives are currently and the results that have come from our choices, but when do we draw the line between having faith in destiny and the possible randomness of life?

What if there isn’t a ONE waiting in your vortex for you to allow into your reality? What if it turns out to be a numbers game and you must kiss a hundred frogs first? What if the truth is somewhere in the middle?
I’ve been dancing with both: believing that whatever is supposed to happen in my life will arrive on time, and also believing that I have power and ownership. Then, keeping my faith , I take consistent actions toward my goals (aka kissing a new frog every few weeks).

In dating in particular, I try to put myself out there by means of occasional online dating and pre-matched speed dating events, and mostly, doing the things that I love: going to the gym, grabbing a great cup of coffee after the gym, meeting with friends outside of the comfort of my home for coffee, walks, swimming, hikes, going to the beach, or grabbing dinner and drinks. In general, I have been carrying on with my life, making sure I enjoy every minute. I have stopped solving my life equation with the constant of having a partner one day. (A math reference, ’cause why not?) I figure, if a person comes into my life, we’ll make things work at that time. Until then, imma live ma life…

As spiritual teachings are very helpful in finding peace and purpose, we also have to be careful not to use all kinds of New Age advice to find meaning for EVERYTHING. Yes, most of the time, each life experience comes with lessons, but I find it stressful to always be looking for clues and signs for me to decode.
While wrestling with all these notions of dating and singlehood, I am choosing to release all expectations from myself and judgment that I may be “blocking” my partner from coming to me by fear, resistance, or whatever, and instead carry on with one single mantra:

“What’s meant for me will never miss me.”

Now, I can’t guarantee that this is 100% true, however, I am choosing to hold that one as a nonnegotiable for myself.
The reason I feel that this particular mantra is the best to hold as my only one is that it allows me to just be. It frees me of any ideas that I may be doing things wrong, because whatever is mine wouldn’t pass me even if I am fu$king up.

Also, it frees me from overthinking. I never ponder on “What would have happened if I… (fill in the blank)?” Instead, I move on with my life with the calm sense of knowing that whatever is mine will never go past me.
With that being sad, I still try my best in any given situation. I just never go back thinking what I could have done differently.

Another benefit is that I never wonder if someone “got away.” I just know that what’s mine will always be mine. And even if someone choosing to stop seeing me is really painful, I don’t have to try to make anything out of the events. Whether they come back or I find something better, I worry not, because…what is mine will never go past me. They must not have been mine. Very possibly, I was wrong thinking that they were. Life is so much easier if we allow ourselves to be wrong sometimes. In fact, we should always be looking for places we could possibly be wrong. (I learned this idea from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson.)

What I love about this mantra is that I could see evidence of things being mine or not in all areas. I feel that all jobs that I was supposed to have, I’ve had. I feel at peace about my past going the way that it was supposed to go. So, I am applying the same mentality to dating.

At the end of the day, whether it’s all happening for the better…or it’s just happening…it is happening.
We can meet it with resistance or with the faith that…whatever is ours will be ours at the end.
I find the latter easier.

I hope that was helpful to you, my friends.

In Love, Wellness, and Wisdom,
Coach Kalina


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