I’ve been a certified Life Coach in San Diego since late 2016, and one thing I know for sure is that most people have no clue what a Life Coach does.
The misconceptions I’ve heard about my job are longer than my to-do list on a Monday morning. I’ve had Bumble dates ask me ridiculous questions about what I do for a living (some of them quite inappropriate), and even close friends are curious about how exactly I help my clients and what “kind of people” hire me. And most of the inquiries I get for life coaching are from people who’ve never worked with a coach before and are not sure what to expect. If my experience tells us anything, it’s that the life coaching profession needs a little better publicity.
And so in this article, I’m going to give you ALL the information you want to know if you’ve ever thought about hiring a Life Coach and or even becoming one.
As a certified and accredited Life Coach (some would say the best Life Coach in San Diego 😉) I understand the ins and outs of the profession. I’ve worked with multiple coaches who, like me, have also been accredited with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). I also actively participate in the field by continuing my education, connecting with other coaches, and participating in local San Diego Life Coaching chapters. In addition to all my coaching work and hobbies, I’ve worked with other similar practitioners as well, so I’ll be sharing with you what the difference is between life coaching and therapy, and the difference between people with a title “coach” and certified life coaches. And finally, I’ve also coached a few life coaches to become life coaches themselves.
I want you to know about ALL the benefits of working with a Life Coach, why get a Life Coach, what is a career coach, what does a Life Coach do for you, how much does a good Life Coach charge and so much more. You’ll gain enough information to know the answers of questions like:
What do I look for in a Life Coach?
How do I find the right Life Coach?
What does a Life Coach do for you?
Because of my personal experience working with coaches and the massive impact it’s had on my life, I’m passionate about spreading awareness of this life-changing partnership. If you’d like to hear more about my personal story, you can read it here.
To be 100% honest, before I got certified as a Life Coach, I was pretty confused as well. Once I dove into the field, I was so fascinated with the power of coaching and the results it gave me and how it changed my life that I could not wait to work my butt off to become a top Life Coach in San Diego. I have a passion to support people to live their “Best-Case Scenario” in life. And part of this passion is making sure I spread the word about life coaching so more people can know about the service and transform their lives to align with their dreams.
So let’s get started.
#1 What is a Life Coach?
A Life Coach is a strategic partner who helps you achieve your goals and reach your potential. A Life Coach is someone who is highly trained to help you close the gap between where you are in life right now and where you’d like to be in the future.
For someone to become a Life Coach, they’ll need to obtain a life coaching certification. If they go on to become accredited by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), they’ll need to complete rigorous coursework, a number of hours working with a mentor coach, pass a test, complete hundreds of coaching hours and demonstrate their coaching skills.
They’ll also have to follow the ICF code of ethics and continue their education to maintain their credentials.
It’s important to note that anyone can call themselves a coach. There are many people who call themselves coaches but are not certified. Rather, they have a specific expertise that can help you with a specific problem, similar to a consultant. However, that’s not technically a Life Coach. Certified coaches use proven methods to help their clients find their own creative solutions. In other words, the best life coaches are extremely impactful because they help you become successful on your own terms in a way that’s authentic to you. They don’t use a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all blueprint to “change your life.” Instead, they help you play to your strengths and rely on your own internal wisdom and guidance to create real, sustainable change.
Some new professions are using the word “coach” for a lack of an existing term or because their current title has gained some negative reputation. I’ve seen people from the sales and marketing field as well as palm readers call themselves coaches to make their service seem more appealing.
#2 What should I look for in a Life Coach?
If you’re looking to work with a professional, highly-skilled and qualified coach then make sure to check their credentials, expertise and experience.
Ideally, you’d like your coach to have a life coaching certification, coaching experience or at least similar experience and real client testimonials.
In addition to their qualifications, you’d like to make sure that your coach is empathetic, kind, open, direct, honest, and matches your needs. Get clear on what type of coach would be best for you. I work best with people who are empathetic, goal-oriented, business savvy, spiritual, not afraid to challenge, and who enjoy living life to the fullest. I like to be pushed a little past my comfort zone while feeling like they understand my challenges.
Here are some questions you can ask a Life Coach to see if you two will be a good fit:
Who are your favorite clients to work with?
What does a typical coaching session look like?
What are your client’s biggest accomplishments?
Have you worked with a Life Coach yourself?
Why did you become a coach?
What are some of your own personal and professional goals?
Do you have a specialty?
What do your past clients say about you? (and match those words with their reviews online)
By working with a Life Coach, you’ll gain more clarity, peace of mind, joy, fulfilment, and life satisfaction.
#3 Why get a Life Coach?
Can’t I just talk to my friends or relatives?
There is a lot of value in talking about your goals with friends and relatives. In the best case scenario, they can listen and share an opinion or give advice based on what they know. But it doesn’t replace the value of life coaching.
Life coaching is an ongoing relationship that takes into account your whole being and all the possible solutions (the known to you and the unknown). High-quality life coaching empowers you to uncover creative solutions, overcome current limiting beliefs (as well as fear, procrastination, imposter syndrome, etc.,) and is fully focused on your success, on your own terms. Your Life Coach will help you grow and rise above your challenges.
The essence of coaching is to “coach” you through your own decision making using different coaching techniques. It is NOT to tell you what to do (unlike most friends and relatives).
On the other hand, people who are in our lives have layers of biases and their own ideas of who we are and what’s right for us. No matter how well-meaning they are, they are not trained to support you to live out your own vision for your life. For that exact reason, I don’t coach my friends. It’s near impossible to provide them with the same level of coaching as I do with my clients.
Another reason to hire a coach is that you can’t “think” your way to your success. Having a weekly conversation about your goals and progress is half of the work that leads to success because of the consistency of your actions. By just showing up to your sessions and engaging with your coach, you’re ensuring your progress.
The other important part is the co-creation. During your sessions with your coach, you’ll discover other perspectives, alternative solutions, come up with great ideas together and process verbally in a safe and confidential space. You’ll leave your sessions with clarity, peace of mind and a plan for action.
If what’s at stake in life for you is high, you need high-quality support.
#4 What does a Life Coach do for you?
In short, a coach will help you reach your goals faster and in a more holistic way. I made the list from my personal experience as a Life Coach in San Diego. Here are some examples of goals that you may want to hire a coach for if you:
have personal goals: getting more clear on your life goals, getting more clear on your direction in life, balancing your life priorities, having better relationships, finding a romantic partner, having better communication skills, having more confidence, having more peace of mind, reaching your potential, reconnecting with your spirituality, or deepen your spirituality
have professional goals: getting a better job, advancing in your career, becoming a better leader, reaching your potential, finding more fulfilment in your work, finding your vocation, or increasing your impact
want to switch careers
would like to start a business
need to experience more work-life balance
desire a better quality of life
would like to make more money
want to be happier
going through a major life transition like changing careers, divorce, marriage, parenthood, relocation, or any other significant life event
want a change
overwhelmed with life and/or work
need to talk to someone like-minded who just gets you
You can hire a Life Coach to help you work through anything, but those are some of the most common issues and challenges I’ve helped people work through.
#5 How does a Life Coach help you?
As life coaches, we are highly trained to have thought-provoking conversations to help you gain more awareness, find creative solutions, set goals that are aligned with your values, achieve your goals faster and experience more peace, joy and love while you do that.
Some of the coaching methods most commonly used include:
Listening to you openly and actively
Asking powerful questions
Reflecting back to you (also known as mirroring)
Offering different perspectives
Providing structure
Assisting in setting goals, planning and strategizing
Holding you accountable for what you want to achieve
Trusting you to make your own decisions
Noticing your blind spots and pointing them out to you
Showing up with your best interests at heart
Telling the truth (sometimes it’s calling you on your own B.S. and sometimes it’s reminding you how awesome you are)
Believing in you and your highest good
#6 How do I find the right Life Coach?
First, think about the specific goals you’d like help with. Then, determine what kind of coach would be best for you based on your previous experience with teachers, therapists, professors, and mentors. Who have been the most motivating and inspiring people to work with? What do they have in common? Would you need someone who is fast-paced, a deep thinker, spiritual, energetic, from similar background or someone who is creative, intuitive and artistic?
Make sure that you feel a great working chemistry with the life coaches you interview. Don’t hesitate to call around and make a few appointments. Most life coaches offer free consultations, also called discovery calls.
Determine if you think this person will be fun to work with. After all, you want to look forward to your sessions. 😉
To actually find good prospects for a Life Coach, I would search online based on customer reviews through Yelp or Google. Read a few testimonials and look for the ones that have lots of detail. That will help you understand what kind of coach this person is. If you feel like the people leaving reviews are similar to you, that means that this Life Coach is a good candidate. For example, if a few people talked about their career change and how this coach helped them transition successfully, and you too are looking to find a more fulfilling work, then you have a possible match.
#7 How do I find a coach online?
The easiest way that comes to my mind is to type up “Life Coach in San Diego” or the city you live in. This way you’ll see some of the review-based websites like the ones I mentioned above or you can see coaches with well established online presence. Their website and all the information they share willingly will help you narrow down your search.
You can also go to the ICF website and search through their directory or use other life coaching directories.
#8 What is a Career Coach?
A Career Coach will focus on helping you grow and excel in your career. Their focus is your professional life and there is a big chance that they won’t be addressing your life as a whole. Some career coaches could help you with work-life balance and overall goal setting but in general, you can expect them to be more focused on your professional success.
They’ll help you with outlining specific career goals that are in alignment with your vision, finding and leveraging your strengths, improving on areas of opportunities, finding blind spots (things you didn’t know or you don’t know but want to know), creating a plan for action, strategizing to get to what you want, and holding you accountable to stay in action.
You can expect to gain more confidence and courage, become a better leader, have stronger communication skills and have a more strategic approach in your career.
You can learn some golden nuggets of information from their personal or professional experience.
From working with a Career Coach you’ll gain more peace of mind, satisfaction and fulfillment. Lfe coaches could also be career coaches.
#9 What is a career counselor?
A career counselor can give you information about different career paths, what working in these careers may look like and how to get there (at best). Think of it as an informational resource. Sometimes you can get more support in the form of a few meetings to help you problem-solve or narrow down your interests. Counselors could offer personality tests to help you find a profession that’s a good fit or to help you with your resume and cover letter.
#10 How much does a good Life Coach in San Diego cost?
I thought you’d never ask! Life coaching prices vary greatly. A top Life Coach in San Diego, for example, may charge $10,000 for 6 months of coaching. Some of the life coaches in San Diego offer month-to-month coaching packages ranging from $300 to $1,000 per month, some offer sessions a-la-carte and some require a longer commitment. The price of life coaching would depend on the coach’s credentials, experience and the amount of support and resources included in the package.
#11 Is life coaching worth the money?
To determine if life coaching is the right option for you, think of the specific goals you’d like to accomplish. Then try putting a price tag on them. How much do you think the total value is of the changes you want to make? Would the results of working with a coach outweigh the time and money?
For example, I worked with a life and business coach. He was my mentor coach as part of my coaching accreditation process. I worked with him for about 20 months. As a result of our work together I completed my ACC credential with the ICF. Between you and I, I almost gave up on getting the credential. It was a lot of work but my coach reminded me why it was important to me. I also started my coaching practice, I grew my coaching business, and I replaced a lot of my income with coaching. Then I started a whole other business/passion project. I did things I never thought I could (like blogging, making YouTube videos, editing YouTube videos, making websites, starting masterminds, etc.,). Lastly, I managed multiple complex relationships (family, friends and even pets) during our work together and made some major life choices with his support.
In conclusion, I can’t put a price tag on ALL of the results I see in my life as a result of coaching but it for sure exceeds the price I paid for my coach’s fees.
#12 What do Life Coaches in San Diego charge per hour?
Very few coaches charge by the hour. You can expect to pay a monthly retainer or a total fee for a coaching program. From my experience, an accredited Life Coach in San Diego usually charges between $150/h and $500/h.
Remember that a really high price tag doesn’t always mean that you’re working with the best Life Coach in San Diego. There are people who are opportunistic and take chances.
To work with a top Life Coach in San Diego, you definitely want to ask for their credentials, experience and see client’s reviews or testimonials.
Did you really enjoyed talking to the coach but you’re not sure if they’re worth the money? You can ask them to connect you with some of their past clients and get more insight from them. I had a prospect ask me to do that and she gained more confidence to hire me after she spoke with two of my past clients herself.
#13 What’s the difference between a therapist and a Life Coach?
Although both practitioners want to help you live a better quality of life, they are very different. Your therapist would help you with your mental health. Usually, they’ll help you with healing trauma and dealing with heavy emotions.
The job of a Life Coach is to help you set and achieve goals. Therapists usually focus on why you feel and behave a certain way. And a coach may help you with discovering how you need to change and what you need to do so you make your dreams a reality.
#14 Do you need a license to be a Life Coach in California?
No, you don’t need a licence. If you’re considering becoming a Life Coach, I recommend looking into Life Coaching certifications.
I hope this post gives you everything you want to know about life coaching. If you have any extra questions please reach out. You can email me at info@coachkalina.com or schedule your complimentary consultation here.
How To Improve Your Environment – Feeling and performing at your best requires a significant amount of energy. Sometimes it feels nearly impossible to excel in our careers, spend time with family, take care of our bodies and grow our business all at the same time. Sleep, exercise, good nutrition, and connection play a huge role in having consistently high energy levels throughout the day—but they’re not the only factors.
Our outside world and environment are often indicators of how we’re feeling on the inside. It’s hard to feel energized if you’re surrounded by messy rooms and unorganized closets. Having more flow in your environment brings more flow into your internal state. Leaving your external world a mess zaps your energy. You feel like nothing is working and you’re constantly bumping into challenges.
What if instead, you experienced things flowing easily throughout your day, allowing you to take care of the things that matter to you the most? I’ve worked with a few clients who had significant personal and professional success by improving their external environment.
So in this post, I’ll summarize the easiest and most successful ways to leverage your environment to gain more energy and give you a system for identifying your areas for improvement. This way, you’ll be able to manage your environment for more energy and perform at your best.
Step #1: Take inventory of what you’re physically tolerating – How To Improve Your Environment
Make a list of all the things in your environment that annoy you: dishes in the sink, broken doorknob, overdue oil change, too many folders on your desktop, unanswered emails, piles of laundry, etc. Take a little notebook or start a note on your phone and list every single thing that you don’t like around you.
We’re just making a list—don’t get overwhelmed with how you’re going to fix everything yet.
Take the list with you throughout the day and notice other things that aren’t working or are not efficient. Continue the exercise for a day or two. Don’t forget to list essential items like organizing your personal documents and less important but still annoying things like getting a new garden hose.
Making a list will help you close all of the open tabs in your brain of things you’re trying to remember. Having ALL those items in one single list will already start to give you some more energy.
Step #2:Take inventory of what you’re virtually tolerating.
We spend a lot of time on our computers and phones. Make a list of what you can organize better there as well.
I recently had a session with a client who has been procrastinating on completing a big project for a few weeks. It was clear that he really wanted to complete it, but something was holding him back. Finally, he shared that his current working environment is less than optimal. His computer and desk weren’t comfortable and his desktop was overly cluttered. He shared that he had files and folders everywhere and a dozen tabs open at all times.
It’s almost impossible to focus when your workspace is disorganized. So ask yourself if there are areas in your phone, computer or tablet that could be cleaned up.
Step #3: Take inventory of what you’re tolerating in your business.
If you’re self-employed or you run a business, carve a couple of hours in your schedule to look into everything that could be optimized, simplified, systemized, automated or DELEGATED.
Bonus tip: Delegating is the most unutilized solution. You can delegate anything that you don’t want to do, don’t like doing or that’s slowing you down. Maybe it’s not possible for you to delegate much at this time, but set it as a goal and eventually, it will be.
Example: meals, cleaning, busy work, repetitive tasks, etc. I often think of my hourly rate and the hourly rate I can pay someone to get the job done. If I feel like I’ll have a good return on investment to pay someone else I usually do so.
Step #4: Start living as if you were the most organized person you know.
Before you start taking action on your lists, start making changes as you go.
Before, I used to let my laundry accumulate through the week and then do several loads on the weekend. Then, I’d have dry laundry on my bed for days. At night, I’d move it to the couch and in the morning, I’d move it back on my bed for future Kalina to worry about.
Now, the moment I have enough for a load, I just throw it in the washer, then in the drier, and then I fold it the same evening as I’m talking on the phone or listening to an audiobook.
The problem is, we think we don’t have time throughout the day to take care of the small things. So then the small things pile up and become the big things that drain our energy.
Think about the small things in your life that always seem to get in the way. Make a point to not let them build up any more.
Step #5: Prioritize your list and spread out your tasks in your calendar.
Now that you’re clear on what you need to do differently, you can start taking action.
First, re-write your list of things you’re tolerating by putting the ones that annoy you the most up on top. Complete it with listing everything else.
Next, find 30-minute blocks in your schedule and book one of the items you listed and take care of it. The goal is to make this easy, simple and not overwhelming so break it down into small chunks. You don’t need to block out a weekend to re-organize but you can chip away at your goals every day.
Lastly, keep the list somewhere where you’ll see it. You don’t want to forget to use the opportunity to knock more stuff off as you go.
In conclusion, our energy levels and how we feel depend to a big extent on what our external world looks like and how well it works. I think almost anyone would agree that they feel happier and more productive in a clean and organized home. And most entrepreneurs feel in a better state of flow when they’ve set up their business with the systems it needs to run smoothly. Setting up those systems can take some upfront time and energy but the results are worth the effort.
Even checking the smallest little annoyance off of your list will make you feel energized. You’ll probably experience a little boost of the feel-good hormone dopamine as you take care of something. That little moment of reward will boost your energy and make you want to continue these new habits.
If you still feel overwhelmed and stuck, you know who to call. Book your complimentary consultation over here.
Can You Afford NOT to Have a Coach? Are you trying to grow personally or professionally? Do you have a vision for your future where you fulfill your potential and live in alignment with your values? Are you thinking of changing careers, starting a business, stepping into a new role at work, or just leveling up a particular area of your life?
If so—can you afford not to have the support, accountability and guidance of a coach during this time of change and growth?
You can find your answer by answering this question:
If I veer off my desired trajectory by one or more degrees, would this affect my final destination? If yes, am I okay with arriving somewhere else?
Did you answered NO? Then you cannot afford to not have a coach in your corner. This quote from tandemfinancial.co.uk can help you better visualize the importance of staying on course when chasing a goal:
“Experts in air navigation have a rule of thumb known as the 1 in 60 rule. It states that for every 1 degree a plane veers off its course, it misses its target destination by 1 mile for every 60 miles you fly. This means that the further you travel, the further you are from your destination.”
Need more of a push to hire a coach? Here are 5 more reasons why you cannot afford not having a coach—and the few degrees that may change your trajectory.
#1 Imposter Syndrome
Roughly nine out of 10 of my clients experience imposter syndrome at some point along their journey. When you play big, you eventually reach a point where you can’t help but wonder if you’ve earned your seat at the table.
Working with a coach will help you remember who you are and where you’re headed. Many of my overachieving clients are so focused on their goals and what’s next that they forget how far they’ve come. They focus more on their challenges and shortcomings rather than their amazing strengths and expertise.
It takes that outside person to remind you of your strengths and accomplishments. A coach will support you to grow into your new role with confidence and authentic inner power.
#2 Fear
Fear often disguises itself as a well-meaning concern for your safety. To be fair, your fear has probably kept you out of a lot of trouble. But the same evolutionary fears that protect you from bears and sharp cliffs also keep you playing safe.
Your protective mechanisms don’t want you to get hurt.
When fear comes up, we either stay the same or modify our goals to something smaller and safer. For example, instead of applying for a new position, we decide that we’re not ready and need to pursue more education or experience.
I’ve myself have done this out of fear of disappointment or rejection. In 2012 after I completed my education and I had my daughter, I started to apply for full-time jobs. I knew I wanted to be a coach back then, but when I looked for opportunities, extraordinarily little seemed available. After a couple of disappointments, I decided to apply to be a personal trainer. I knew I had more than enough qualifications and experience to do that. My career journey continued in fitness and then in fitness management before I eventually came back to coaching.
I wonder what my trajectory could have been had I had a coach back then. Of course, I have no regrets and I got some great and relevant work experience on the way. But a coach early in my career could have supported me to play bigger and be more patient and courageous.
Working with a coach can support you in overcoming these fears and recognizing them before you veer off course.
#3 Emotions
Our nonstop environments hit us with events throughout the day—the news, email, our family’s moods, traffic, the weather, our bosses’ requests, etc. All these events trigger an emotional reaction in us.
Emotions are internal compasses we use to navigate life. We tend to go toward things that make us feel good and avoid things that make us feel bad. However, we also have automatic emotional responses to events. That means that your body and mind have gotten used to certain emotions and turn them on by habit. That’s why change is SO difficult.
For example, say you want to stop getting angry when your kids misbehave, but anger seems to automatically creep up every time. (Could I be using a personal example here?)
Sometimes certain emotions seem negative, but if examined with the help of your coach, they may turn out to be positive. For example, a client recently revealed that he felt nervous when he thought about realizing the vision of his business. But after we talked about it he realized that a lot of that anxiety was actually excitement and not fear. With that awareness, he is able to show up fully and pursue his dreams.
# 4 Old Beliefs
We have many beliefs about ourselves and how the world works. Some are true and some aren’t. A coach’s job is to stay curious and always ask where you’re coming from. As I coach, I want my clients to come from a place of clarity, confidence, and trust. And to do that, we need to peel off the layers of conditioning just like you’d peel an onion.
As innocent as old beliefs seem, all clients I’ve worked with had some kind of unexamined beliefs that were slowing down their progress or overwhelming them. Yes, even the really successful and high-achieving 7-figure business owners.
Working with a coach will help you spot a limiting belief and see how it hasn’t been serving you. After that ah-ha moment, it feels like you’ve been carrying around an 80lb backpack with one strap that you can finally put down.
For example, I had a client who believed that success meant a full-time job in corporate America where he worked up to a 6-figure income managing projects. Nothing about this vision seemed to reflect in his personality and values. After a few months of work together this client stepped into his zone of genius as an artist and fully went on to pursue his dream to create and sell art.
He then became an unstoppable force as he was now on the right trajectory and it was much easier to navigate his journey. We got clarity on his new vision, created his strategy, and set his goals. Then, he continued to execute the plan with confidence and alignment.
#5 Conditioning
We’re all products of our environment to a certain degree. Often, we pick up our family’s or community’s values as our own. A few months ago, I started working with a woman who hired me to help her to get a full-time job after retiring from the military. She had a long list of benefits and wants from that “ideal” job.
After our initial few sessions where we focused on discovering her values and her vision, she had a breakthrough. She realized that she never even questioned whether she was supposed to get a full-time job or not. It was her default reaction to where she was in life.
She was raised to believe that she had to have a full-time career and never really stopped to wonder if that’s what she truly wanted.
After a few more sessions we changed her goals. She is now diving into starting her own business while staying open to consulting opportunities for businesses and non-profits. This way she is staying true to her values of work-life balance.
I started my own business five years ago. If I veered off by a few degrees, I’d be somewhere totally different. My path would have been longer and probably a little more painful. I’m forever grateful for the coaches and mentors I’ve worked with who supported, challenged, and believed in me. I’ve shared my story and experience with coaching here.
I hope this post was able to help you understand on a deeper level how working with a coach can help you take fewer detours—as we all know, the road to success is always under construction.
If you’d like to learn more about coaching or working together, schedule your free consultation or leave me a note at info@coachkalina.com
There are more and more people who call themselves coaches — and a never-ending amount of self-help offers. Lately it seems like there’s messages all around us about a new course, program, coach, therapeutic modality and transformative work that can get us that ultimate feeling of self-mastery.
Everywhere you turn, you’ll find someone saying that because they figured out this one life hack, their life now is totally different and they’ve never looked back. And now, they want to teach us to do the same.
But does it really work that way? Do we really transform? Does the transformation stick? Are we officially done with and over that problem for good?
Or we are being scammed by testimonials of people in near-orgasmic states of tranquility and success who want to fool us into spending more money hoping that the next program will finally help us feel better, happier, and more confident?
If you’ve found yourself skeptical of all this inner work, you’re not alone. I was in the beginning and I still am now of some of the magical “fixes” I see being offered. But before I get into what I’ve learned through my journey, I’d like to start off by laying down some definitions to make sure we are all in the same conversation. Then I’ll share a personal story to make my case.
Inner work refers to the exploration of personal beliefs about the self, how the world works and our behavior. Also, it could be referred to as the unpacking of the baggage we’ve accumulated from the earlier days of our existence. I like to think of it in terms of technology. We came to this life with a set of hardware like a computer. And we also came with a software which is our operating system like Windows. Our upbringing was shaping our software and laying the foundation for how our computer works.
So how does personal development work that promises transformation measure up? Does it really work with updating our software?
Well, a few months ago, I got to test all that I’ve learned.
It was a Wednesday, and I remember that it looked beautiful and sunny outside. Yet, I woke up feeling not happy. I started the day with a heaviness on my chess and as the day progressed my levels of anxiety increased.
It all had to do with a text message that I wasn’t getting back.
My thoughts started to spiral down. My inner monologue was getting worse by the minute. I went outside to my balcony for a midday workout hoping to shake off these feelings and the uneasiness that was weighing on me, but I caught myself spiraling even further.I was thinking things like:
Of course this will happen to me.
I never have it easy with dating.
Why does it have to be so hard?
I had recently met someone who I was really excited to get to know. We both shared that we are feeling a crazy level of connection on multiple levels. Out of nowhere, he was getting distant and that stirred up some of my old baggage that I had worked on for a long time. I used to feel a sense of rejection if friends or dates canceled plans, didn’t prioritize me or if I wasn’t invited somewhere. I had worked hard on releasing this ultra sensitivity that used to bring me so much pain. And yet today, out of nowhere, I was starting to feel those old feelings of victimhood and pain resurface just because someone hasn’t asked me out again.
I checked my period app — I wasn’t PMS-ing or ovulating. I was well-fed and well-rested. I had no excuse for my state of being. I tried to rationally talk myself out of this frustration with all the techniques I’ve learned for the 5+ years of intense inner work BUT nothing was working.
Landmark leadership courses, energy healing, life coaching, business coaching, dozens of personal development and spiritual books, sound healing classes, breath work — you name it, I’ve probably done it. All my coaches were praising me for my hard work and for how far I’ve come. But there I was, a life coach myself, on my balcony, trying to lift weights, having a pity party.
I wanted to call both of my coaches and tell them to fuck off. None of this shit works. Why am I so upset over this feeling of disappointment? Why are old wounds resurfacing? Wasn’t I done with that lesson?
I kept thinking, “I’m such a loser. I’ve been on more than 50 first dates. If anyone can be great at dating, it should be me damn it!”
At some point I remembered a spiritual audio book from Abraham Hicks that had said something about how on certain days nothing will work to get you out of your stinking thinking and you’ll have to write off the day. Only sleep can reboot your buggy computer.
So somehow I made it through the day and went to bed as early as I could. I was so over feeling disappointed and frustrated with my life. At the very least, I remembered not to take any action from such a negative state.
When I woke up the next day, I landed my feet on the ground and remembered to check in with how I was feeling. And I’m happy to say that I felt great! My normal “me” was back. Happy and optimistic, loving my life! Yes! Thank God I was feeling so good.
For me, the goal of doing inner work Life is to feel as good as much as I possibly can. It’s about closing tabs on my browser as soon as I am done with them and not let negative things drain energy in the background. Inner work is not about full self-mastery and never experiencing pain again, but the progress we make. If it was 5 years ago, I’ll be stewing over the same issue for months. Where now, most things wouldn’t rob me of my joy for more than a few hours or a day. And a lot fewer things have the power to knock me off my bliss.
So I’ll leave you with this: Inner work won’t always save your ass from bad days.
Sometimes it will straight up fail you and you’ll be angry at it. But the rest of the time, it will free you from the chains of broken software and viruses and too many open tabs. Doing the inner work is not about perfection, it’s about progress. It’s not about self-mastery, but self-awareness. You may not completely get rid of your baggage but you can decrease it to carry-on size.
I’ll finish with this quote: “Heal so you can hear what’s being said without the filter of your wound.” Even after a few bad days, I still think that’s something worth striving for.
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Work Life Harmony – These 11 strategies have the power to transform the stress and anxiety around your personal life, your professional life, and even your health. Doing some work upfront in the form of reflection and completing these steps will provide you with an any-case-scenario problem-solving solution. The reason why these strategies are so effective is that they are created based on your true essence and who you are from your core. When you organize your life from the inside out and around what’s most important, you gain a sense of peace of mind you may not have had since you were a child.
Often, we get so busy and buried in the daily problem-solving, we forget about the big picture. And when we try to move forward from a place of stress, we get anxious about the choices we make. We start to question everything. We feel out of balance or we experience burnout.
What you will get out of completing these steps is a short, simple, and effective tool that you can easily use to bring yourself back to center and get the clarity you need. Then, you can feel in harmony with whatever your circumstances are.
If you are using this technique correctly, you’ll be at peace, whether you are spending the majority of your time on a project and shutting the world off, or you are chilling on a hammock with a mai tai.
A sense of harmony doesn’t come from dividing up your time evenly between all your life segments—like work, family, fitness, fun, etc.—but from the feeling that you are doing the right things at the right time and that you are prioritizing correctly.
So, work-life balance is not a problem of “balance” but prioritization. Each piece gets its appropriate time and attention at any given moment. The moments are constantly changing, and you need to be able to keep dancing with what’s most important at each given moment.
To be able to decide which is most important, you’ll need to check in with your findings from completing these steps.
The first time I started playing with the ideas of the work-life “balance” was after I read the book, The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan. They introduce the idea of “counterbalance,” and how we just learn to juggle the important things and switch our focus to what’s most important at that exact time, while leaving the rest of the variables out of balance.
They make a great point that there are several aspects that you can’t juggle, but you must always prioritize, as they don’t recover from a juggle fall. They are your health, your family, and your close relationships. They make an argument that these 3 often don’t bounce back, and you don’t really want to take any chances there either.
So, let’s get to work:
Get crystal clear on your personal VALUES.
Consider this a 30-minute exercise where you brainstorm the top 10 most important things to you. Think of all areas of your life. Then, picture yourself on your deathbed, or on a rocking chair at 99 years of age, or your tombstone, if you wish. Think of potential regrets, unfulfilled dreams, or wisdom you would want to pass down. What are the top 3 things that stand out as true to your soul? What are these 3 values that are so important to you that you don’t see yourself living without them? Look at the list of possible VALUES at the end of this e-book. If you take these 30 minutes today to get clarity on your top 3 or even top 5, you can expect a huge return on investment from saving time on making decisions for the rest of your life.
Example:
My top values are health, wisdom, family, and love.
Any time I am presented with an important life choice, I check if it aligns with my values. I ask myself: “Does this support me in living with my values or does it pull me away?”
Job offers, business ideas, relationships, hobbies, and lifestyle choices could easily “run through” your top values.
2. Evaluate your current lifestyle.
Now that you have your values narrowed down to 5 at the most, take an honest look at your life. Look at the way you spend your time. Where and how does most of the time get invested? What do you pour your life force into? Give yourself a grade from 1 to 10 on each value and how you are fulfilling it NOW. Not how you want to, but how you actually are. Be honest and tell the truth.
In some areas, you may need to make small changes that lead to great results. And sometimes big transformations are needed. Small changes could be as simple as adding vitamins and omega-3 supplements back into your diet to support your health value. A life transition or a career change, for example, are bigger transformations that require a lot more attention but still need to be considered if your current life doesn’t reflect your values.
No matter how big the change may seem, acknowledge that you want to work on this area of your life and create a step-by-step plan for it. Hiring a coach could be a great support during these times.
Working with a coach has helped me during some of my biggest and hardest life transformations and transitions. During the past 5 years, I have recovered from a divorce, left my full-time job as a fitness manager, started a new business, actively dated as a single mom in her 30s, career-transitioned and started two businesses, lost and grieved my father, and created a flexible, positive, healthy, and happy co-parenting lifestyle for my daughter with her father. None of this would have been possible if I was not committed to fulfilling my greatness and therefore hiring help to support me in this journey.
Think of all areas of your life and boldly state the facts. What’s working, and what needs to improve, change, or transform? Then, take action.
3. Set new priorities.
With a new awareness of the status quo, write down what grades you want for these values in 30, 60, and 90 days. Write down what DAILY actions and habits you are going to implement. Set systems in place for all the new habits. Having a system that you can implement and then just plug in and play will ensure that you are making these new habits sustainable and lasting. For example, a system for eating healthier is to get a healthy meal delivery subscription, like Thistle. I love getting several fresh salads per week that are packed with a wide variety of vegetables that I would never otherwise purchase and prepare myself. Other examples of effective systems are carving out time in your schedule for things like time with friends, the gym, or a class you’ve been wanting to take. Actually putting it in your calendar increases the chances of it happening from near 0% to near 100%. Setting reminders on your phone is also helpful to stay faithful to your new goals.
4. Create time for your new priorities.
Make a massive cleanup of your schedule. Identify all life-sucking activities that you’ve been tolerating but you don’t truly believe serve your values and life vision.
Are you driving your children to a dozen sports activities instead of spending downtime together and connecting on a deep level? Are you spending 4 hours each weekend cleaning when you can probably afford someone to do this for you and free up a few hours for time in nature or with friends? Are you spending hours each day on social media or in front of the TV, but insisting that you don’t have time for the gym? Are there people in your life that drain your energy? Be bold and unapologetic about making massive changes to your lifestyle.
This life journey is a fleeting moment in the grand history of humanity. Spend it on your terms.
I recently had a conversation with an old friend who has seen me curate a different life over the past several years. He said that at first, I seemed cold hearted in the way I prioritized my time. He said that it seemed selfish when he saw me stick to my boundaries and decline different invitations. He had seen me end long friendships or pull away from some others. He shared that he now finds it inspirational to see the results of my hard work and how I’ve been enjoying time for the people, hobbies, and work that’s important to me and that inspires me.
Learning to limit time with family and friends that have more negative than positive effects on us could be the hardest. We can still love these people and wish them well, but it doesn’t mean that we can give them our hours.
5. Stay committed to your priorities.
Learn to comfortably and confidently decline offers that are not feeling like a “Fuck yes!” Remember that if it is not a “Fuck yes,” then it’s for sure a “Fuck no!” Don’t get pressured and cornered by well-meaning folks who ask for your time, even if it is for a great cause. If cutting down your volunteering time will mean more joy, freedom, and peace of mind due to a couple of hours of relaxing time every 2 weeks, then change your commitment. A lot of my clients tell me that they are “people pleasers,” and they hate disappointing the people around them by saying “no.” My response is that you’ll have to choose: Do you want to live with the feeling of disappointing others, or the feeling of regret of disappointing yourself? What happens often when you please others is that you build up resentment. Putting others first isn’t always noble, wise, or selfless. It’s often irresponsible. You are asked to put your oxygen mask on first in an airplane for a reason. We are only good for others when our needs are being met FIRST.
This life was given to you, for you. It is your responsibility to design it the way you find fitting. Find your truth and stay committed to it. Other people’s opinions have never paid your bills and will never lead to a fulfilling life. My favorite quote on commitment is: “If you are interested, you’ll do what’s convenient. If you are committed, you’ll do whatever it takes,” by John Assaraf.
You can apply that to your diet, fitness, relationships, business, an inspiration, project, and practically anything. Just ask yourself: “Am I committed to this, or am I just interested?” And then act accordingly.
I am constantly curating my life to make my life an expression of these values. When I first completed this exercise myself, I realized that I was barely fulfilling the health value. At the time, I ate a plant-based diet, I exercised vigorously several times per week, and I was in great health according to my yearly checkup. However, what I realized was that I was doing the bare minimum of what I knew about living a healthy lifestyle. I was practically avoiding getting fat or ill. I was not actively promoting my health by doing my very best. The intentions that drove my actions were rather weak and not inspired by serving my health. The last 3.5 years I have been transforming my relationship with my health. I’ve made huge progress in my intentions and the way I think and feel about food, exercise, and mental health.
I have been incorporating all my knowledge about health and fitness into my own lifestyle, and I am investing more time and effort into it. When I go to the gym, I think of all the benefits that movement gives to my body and how amazing it makes me feel afterward. I go into my routines with an intention to care for my body, not punish it for not being perfectly sculpted. I’ve incorporated green vegetables into my main meals and I’m mindful of the variety of fruits, vegetables, and nutrients I get from my foods like probiotics, minerals, and vitamins.
In conclusion, I identified my value and started aligning my life closer with this value.
6. Create a killer morning routine that gets you pumped up for your day: move, reflect, plan.
As Aubrey Marcus says in his book, Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex,if you master one day, progressively, you will master your life. Your life consists of individual days that, put on a string, make up your life. So, if you are not working on your goals and priorities daily, you’ll never have the life you desire. If you keep writing that book in your head, it will never get published. But if you set aside 30 minutes every day, eventually, you’ll have it written. Create the habit of taking action on ALL your goals. When you think of something that you should be doing, make it a thingyou ARE doing.
Top influencers, successful CEOs, and thought leaders have been sharing their morning routines and the importance of getting a solid and consistent start to your day. What I’ve learned from Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Tim Ferriss, Gary W. Keller, Jay Papasan, Joe Rogan, and Aubrey Marcus is that there are a few key and common across-the-board habits for the first hour after you wake. One them is a sort of movement: Move your body in a way that gets your heart rate going. It helps boost good hormones of joy and gets your metabolism and focus jump-started.
Next, reflect on what your priorities are for the day. Compare your daily actions for the week and how they measure up with your weekly, monthly, or yearly goals, or your overall vision.
Adding a cold shower, sunlight, and breathing and/or meditation to your morning are other positive practices that are backed up with tons of research and have been around for a long time.
Also, set an end of your workday. It’s nice to look forward to, let’s say, 7 p.m., when you can stop being a responsible adult. Stay away from checking your phone for messages and emails. Living life on your terms means making your priorities the big rocks and filling in the jar with the small rocks of everything else that will be demanded from you via the world.
Create your own routine and try to execute 70 to 80% of it on most days. We are going for progress, NOT perfection, as one of my favorite entrepreneurs and influencers, Marie Forleo, says.
USEFUL TIP: Completing something hard first thing in the morning will boost your confidence and help you get things done the rest of your day. Getting the worst out of the way will leave you anxiety-free and feeling accomplished the rest of the day.
Great books on this topic are: The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage, by Mel Robbins; When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing,by Daniel H. Pink; The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan; Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex,by Aubrey Marcus; and HighPerformance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way, by Brendon Burchard.
7. Create solid work boundaries.
Decide on what time you will start working and the time you will end each day, and stick to it. Having a deadline will help you stay focused during the day and be more productive. If you have been responding to work emails around the clock, you may have to do some reflection and extra work to change this. Often, it’s the corporate culture to respond to emails from 5 a.m. to 10 p.m. It may seem like an impossible goal to not be available to your boss, employees, or coworkers, but there are people out there with the same circumstances that have figured it out. If it’s not done at your company, be that visionary and disrupt the system. Do it first. I once worked at a job where the employees never took their lunch break, or they ate very quickly standing up a few minutes at a time. I decided that this didn’t work for me, so without permission, I started sitting down every day for 15 minutes to eat my meal. At first, my coworkers were shocked. I could see them just waiting for me to get in trouble. No one said anything, so after several weeks, everyone started sitting down, and it became the new official culture of the workplace for the following few years I worked there.
My point is that you need to be aware of your values and set strong boundaries around them. We tend to respect people with strong boundaries and trust them more. Be one of them.
8. End your day with thoughts of gratitude.
A great strategy is to keep a gratitude journal and a pen on your nightstand. Before putting the lights out, list a few things you are grateful for. You might be surprised that even on a bad day, if you sit down and really think, you will find several great things or moments in your day. Tons of research is coming out proving that being grateful is the fastest way to overcome fear-based thoughts and also transform our reality. Rewiring our brains to focus on the good and raising our vibration by appreciating will lead to a peace of mind, a sense of satisfaction, and joy.
I noticed that when I started this practice (after years of refusing to, because I just didn’t think it was cool), I felt much happier about my day. I often had forgotten about small wins earlier in the day. I caught myself feeling my heart filled with love for my family, my clients, and my home. Writing it down just made it so much more real and tangible. It’s such a fulfilling and rewarding way to end your days. It feels like a mini celebration of life. Each day in itself builds our lives. Celebrating each one of them will create a life worth celebrating.
9. Don’t take life too seriously.
Be flexible and become capable of detaching from your plans and how you think things are supposed to go. Detours happen. Our planning for life makes God laugh, as someone once said. At the end of the day, life is about the journey and not the destination. All paths lead home anyway, so trust that everything is happening to you at the right time. Learn to easily let go of things not going your way, and embrace the mantra, “Everything is perfect the way it is.” You missed your flight? Immediately repeat: “Everything is perfect the way it is.” You don’t know why you were steered in a different direction? Being angry and frustrated are terrible feelings and score low on the vibrational scale. They won’t help you feel balance and harmony, so even if it feels fake or irrational, try to replace them with a sense of faith that things are always working out for you.
Comedian and author of the book, Comedy Sex God, Pete Holmes, shared in an interview with Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness podcast that when things go south, he says: “Yes and thank you.” He talked about the notion of being grateful for everything that comes your way and also thinking of your misfortunes with the 5-years-later hindsight as they happen. Why wait the 5 years? Have the peace of mind now.
Another mantra that I’ve found useful is from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way: “I want to feel good.” He suggests just repeating it to help yourself get back to center. He explains at length how the purpose of our lives is to find ways to consistently feel good.
I try to think, “What is this an invitation for?” when things don’t go my way. Do I need to be more patient ,to slow down ,to look around?
When people are interviewed on their deathbeds, they often say that they wished they worried less, that they took more chances, and that they spent more time with family.
So, live life more lightly, worry less, and accept what the present is inviting you to.
10. “Enough” is the new “more.”
So often I catch myself comparing my business or my life or my parenting to others. It seems that there is still so much more that I want to experience, see, read, and accomplish. That brings me more anxiety and sadness and a kind of pressure to work harder. I catch myself judging my progress in life. In that space of judgement, jealousy, or dissatisfaction, I hardly create anything of good value. But when I get present to all that I already have, I feel fulfillment, a sense of overwhelming appreciation to the universe or life. When I think of everything that I already have in my life as a gift, I find myself inspired.
From a place of inspiration, we create what is a true reflection of our spirit. When we are aligned with our purpose in life, we move at a magical speed. We get pulled forward by our vision and we can take massive actions. We notice synchronicities, signs we are on the right path; things seem to come easily. We often make new connections, we get unexpected phone calls, and we open books to the right pages to get the ideas we hoped for. When we are on the right path, the whole universe conspires.
11. Find supportive people in your life to share your plan with.
In addition to creating systems for fulfilling your values, it would be enormously impactful for you to share your vision with the people you love and trust. If they are good partners, they’ll support you in your journey and hopefully you can inspire each other to grow and do even better. I often share with my friends the new things I am doing in my life to add value to our friendship, and share with them what I have found helpful, useful, or successful. As you can probably already see, I’ve read dozens of self-help and personal development books. I am constantly sharing with the people in my life what I am learning and trying out. It opens the conversation and often I learn new things from others as well. This type of nerding out is my favorite way to connect with people. I hope you enjoy it as well…
P.S. Send me an email with your life hacks for work-life harmony! Learning is my #1 strength according to StrengthsFinder 2.0,so I’d love to hear from you!
My wish to you, is that you are clear on your purpose, that you listen to the quiet whisper of your soul, and that you savor the harmony that pours into your heart.
If you feel you can use a new partner in your journey, a support system in the form of a personal coach, PLEASE connect with me to schedule your complimentary coaching session.
It’s my life’s purpose to support others in their journey to fulfill their greatness.
Yours in wisdom and greatness,
Kalina Cardoso
The following list of values is borrowed from one of my favorite authors and social scientists, Brené Brown. You can get her PDF from her Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. book here: https://daretolead.brenebrown.com/wpcontent/uploads/2019/02/Values.pdf
