You want to get started on a project or you’re ready to relax —but something’s bugging you. It’s hard to do great things when you feel off. I believe that we bring our own energy to the things we create. That’s why today I’m sharing my best practices to shake offfeeling annoyed, angry, sad, frustrated, tired or the like. This post will teach you a quick strategy to help you move into a “flow” state and good mood in less than 10 minutes.
Let go
If you felt your jaw clenching just by reading that title, relax. I’m not going to give you any old boring advice as my daughter likes to say.
This is what I mean by letting go: first, identify what stopped you from feeling good. Sometimes it’s very obvious and you can identify the reason immediately, but sometimes is more subtle. Maybe you have to backtrack to what you’ve done today to remember what pissed you off originally. For example, I woke up to a passive-aggressive email from someone I hired to complete a project for me. I had asked for them to finish it as promised in their offer and now they had “attitude.”
As I was getting ready for the day, I realized that I was annoyed. I had a lot of projects to work on and the last thing I wanted was lingering bad mood. I backtracked my feelings, remembered that email and realized that was what was causing me to feel less excited about my day.
After identifying the reason, the second step is to decide you’re not going to give this thing any power over you and that you’re stopping any energy going its way.
This doesn’t mean that the problem is resolved, or that you’ve forgiven or “fixed” the issue. All it means is that you are…just letting it go.
Imagine walking on a treadmill. When you are done walking, you press the STOP button, it stops and you get off.
Do the same with whatever is causing you to not feel good.
(I haven’t responded to that passive-aggressive email yet but I’m just no longer let it bother me.)
Set the mood
The best way to improve your mood is to stimulate your senses. Let’s explore what rituals are right for you.
These are my rituals to set the mood:
Diffuse my favorite essential oils. You can find a basic diffuser at your favorite health store or online. It’s my first go-to to set any mood. I use Orange and Peppermint while I work, I spice it up with some Ylang Ylang, Orange, Lemon, Jasmine and Patchouli oil when I have company, Lavender and Peppermint oil combinations when I want to relax and I play with different combinations depending on my mood. The smell in my house is instant and just makes me feel relaxed and happy instantly. I know that it sounds like too-good-to-be-true but essential oils have been around for a while and millions of people around the world are enjoying them. If you haven’t yet, give them a try. You’ll see more benefits if you use them consistently as your body will start getting conditioned to the feeling you’re trying to promote with specific scents.
Play relaxing music. I put on a “Deva Premal” station on Pandora to put me in a more zen, harmonious and wise state of mind. Deva Premal is a New Age style singer and the songs that play on that station are spiritual and very calming. When I listen to the different songs, I’m reminded of the wisdom of the sages before us and instantly start feeling more connected to a deeper version of myself and the universe. The reason why I choose this type of music and not something more pop or upbeat is that when I’m off-balance, I can get back to a natural state by just being reminded of the deeper meaning of life. In a way, I’m reminded of the vastness of our existence and our inner essence. When we are in a flow with the whole, it becomes evident that those problems are fleeting and part of our external world. And peace is always available in our internal world which brings me to my next ritual.
Guided meditation. They are particularly effective when you have to have something on your mind and you just can’t stop thinking about it. By sitting down, breathing and allowing someone else’s voice to guide you to a different place, you’ll give your brain a break from the “on-repeat” thought cycle you had. You’re more likely to find peace. I set the stage with burning some sage or Palo Santo, (hell, sometimes I burn both) lightening up a candle and setting a couple of crystals around me.
Wash it off
Taking a quick shower no matter if you need it or what time of the day it is could be the perfect restart button. Anytime I feel like I need to start the day over, I hop in the shower. There is magic into running water on your body. It tends to wash some of the worries away 🙂
Walk it off
Similarly, like the shower, taking a walk could be the perfect way to get yourself in a better mood. Being in nature, looking at trees, flowers, houses and dogs on a walk could be the perfect way to shake off any negativity. When I take a quick 10-min walk around my neighborhood, I try to focus on being in the moment, noticing the air, the temperature, the sky, the trees and just to be in one with my environment, even if it’s San Diego’s downtown skyscrapers.
I hope you added a couple of new tools to your “be your best” toolkit. If you’d like more tips to boost your productivity, you can download a free copy of my top tools for optimal productivity HERE.
As a Business Coach, my mission is to support awesome people and help them live a life they love. I do that by getting to their “best-case scenario” in life and business while moving at the speed of joy 🙂 What that means to me is that my clients achieve more than they ever thought they could while actually enjoying the journey. My passion is to help people find that sweet spot of continuous growth that makes them better and truer versions of themselves while experiencing more joy, fulfillment, and peace.
To make that possible, I’ve found it’s useful to create a strong foundation that allows us to operate at a higher level. Only when our basic needs are met, we can actually explore the higher grounds of self-actualization. Thanks Maslow.
So, I created a list of the eight most important healthy habits to help set that foundation. As someone who spent over a decade in the fitness industry helping people transform their health — and as an avid learner who geeks out on human performance research, self-love, and self-care — I believe in a holistic approach to a healthy lifestyle 🙂
Before I fully committed to my personal development and self-care, I was a busy overachiever who had things to do and places to go. In other words, I had no chill and the narrative that I don’t have time to slow down, read, meditate, walk in nature, or take a bath. Five years ago, a lifestyle that put my needs first seemed absolutely impossible and out of reach.
Since I didn’t like how that felt after a while (think anxiety, weight gain, lack of joy, and time for anything I enjoyed doing), I started working hard on redesigning my life. I quit my full-time job as a fitness manager for a big company (which I worked very hard to get to), I enrolled to become a certified life coach, I moved to a new gorgeous, and inspiring apartment, and I stopped dating people who were waving the red flags. I also invested all of my savings into starting a new business, a personal trainer, and my own business coach. I began to go to the beach on weekdays because I could. I met up with friends for coffee and talked about my dreams.
I could drop everything, get on the first flight and visit my dad in Bulgaria to spend the last week of his life with him when I found out his days with us here were coming to an end. I started spending time with my daughter that was more fulfilling because I was rested and present. I can go on and on 🙂
I credit the shift I’ve felt to dozens of self-help books, Landmark Leadership Courses, my life coaching certification course, and working with other life coaches. It wasn’t an overnight transformation but a process that took several months.
Yes, I’m making more money while working less on average. As an entrepreneur, I have bouts of intense work, followed by recovery and reflection. We are not supposed to maintain the same level of productivity constantly.
I love waking up on Mondays, and I love helping my clients feel the same.
“If you seek tranquility, do less. Or (more accurately) do what’s essential. Do less, better. Because most of what we do or say is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more tranquility.” — Marcus Aurelius
I found that most of us benefit greatly from a structured plan that addresses overall health, fitness, and a work/life balance. But if you’re anything like most of my clients, you probably feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get all the work done and still have some time for fun, relaxation, friends, and family.
I know what that feeling is. I’ve lived it, and sometimes I even slip back into that unhealthy rhythm. Thankfully at this point in my life, those periods are short because I recognize the signs of depletion, and I course-correct immediately.
I feel that the problem is twofold — we live in a culture that glorifies exhaustion and grinding, and we’ve also allowed our productivity or success to define our worth.
We can spend a lot of time on these topics. If you aren’t ready to change and put yourself first, please call a coach and see how you can start making small steps.
But if you are ready to start implementing more healthy habits, please dive in the list 🙂
#1 Time Blocking
We are starting with this habit because, to have time for health and fitness, we need to control our time. One primary source of anxiety in business owners and professionals comes from the daunting feeling of long to-do lists and never-ending work. By focusing on your schedule, you can create more time for wellness and decrease stress levels.
A fantastic strategy is to spend your Friday afternoon or Sunday night listing all you need to do during the week. That includes responsibilities, time for family and friends, and self-care. I block time for work, meals, exercise, friends, social media, chilling, reading, opening mail, budgeting, finances, studying, etc.
After the list is made and the tasks are distributed throughout the week, I make sure each day has only one important task. That should be the most important thing to get you to your ultimate goal (promotion, new job, graduation, complete a project, develop a new product, write a book, write a song, etc.). That task would probably take about half of your work time.
To achieve the most productivity, ensure that you don’t let yourself get distracted, interrupted, or pulled away. To read more on that topic, I recommend reading Gary Keller’s book “The One Thing.”
Implementing these strategies, I don’t wake up on Monday stressed out that my entire to-do list needs to be tackled immediately. As suggested by the book, take care of the one thing that would make doing everything else easier or unnecessary. You’ll see extraordinary results in your work and personal life.
If you find it impossible to fit in all of your personal life and your professional commitments, then you are trying to do too much too soon, or you’re not delegating and prioritizing well. You’ll have to take an honest look at your life and choose what matters the most. Start there and let the rest work itself out.
To maximize your time and be most efficient, focus on limiting distractions, a.k.a social media, email checking, and multi-tasking. Think of your work in terms of projects, and set up a distraction-free time to work on them. For example, writing this blog post has been a project on my schedule for a couple of weeks that I keep revisiting in chunks of time.
I don’t do anything else in the one hour I’ve set aside to work on it. Responding to lengthy emails could be another project that you have set up daily while you address any tasks that could be done in three minutes immediately.
Be realistic with your time and always round up the time you think each project should take. If you time-block in advance and set your priorities, you are much more likely to turn down offers and projects that are not fitting in or give more realistic time frames.
One common issue that we work on with my entrepreneur clients is that because each one of their projects could be done in a few hours, they feel that it should have been done already.
As entrepreneurs, we have many projects that could be done under one workday, BUT there are so many of them. The idea is not to judge ourselves for not getting it done yesterday but to focus on prioritizing.
Don’t forget to treat your personal time with similar respect where you put your phone away when you spend time with your friends, family, or self-care. Research shows that switching between tasks back and forth slows us down dramatically, so think how much time is lost each day checking each social media or email notification. How often do you forget what you were doing in the first place? Set solid boundaries and enjoy the benefits!
Lastly, if you have multiple online calendars, and if you have to share your calendar with others, I suggest using a paper calendar as a master schedule. You can transfer all your professional and personal commitments to your paper calendar that you can carry with you and maintain all your privacy and peace of mind. I use erasable pens to fill it out and then adjust throughout the week as needed.
My absolute favorite is the “Law of Attraction Planner” because it has the days divided into 30-minute slots, and I can see my entire week on one page. It has a bunch of other bells and whistles, but those are my favorite tools.
Now that we have the organizational part done lets dive into some healthy habits.
It’s not the lack of information that has the U.S at over 70% of people overweight or obese. We all know that exercising more and eating better is key to longevity, and having the energy to live a fulfilling life. In the next few points, I’m going to lay out habits proven to keep you healthy and strong.
#2 Drink Your Water
I know, I know. I’m not the first person to lecture you about your 8 cups of water. But most people don’t drink enough water regardless of the amount of information available on it.
Here is what works best for me: find a bottle that can hold your water for an entire day or at least two smaller ones, and keep them with you throughout the day. If you exercise, you need more than 8 cups, so plan accordingly.
Not drinking enough water affects your health in many ways and may lead you to snack more than you need. And just so we’re clear, soda and energy drinks are not acceptable ways to hydrate or stake awake. Implement all these healthy habits, and you should be able to get through the day with healthier energy and caffeine sources. Constant caffeine and sugary drinks are not a sustainable way to live and definitely not worth the negative health consequences.
I stick to sparkling mineral water when I need a little bit of excitement. It’s an acquired taste, but it’s inexpensive, has zero calories, and no artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors.
#3 Plan And Schedule Your Meals
First, make sure to eat seated and away from your desk. That way, you are focused on how much and how fast you are eating, so when you are 80% full, you can pack up the rest of your food. The most recent nutrition research shows that eating until your 80% full may be the most determining factor for a trim waistline. Another benefit of this approach is that you’re bringing mindfulness to your eating and nutrition. You just need to know how much and what you are eating.
When I was a manager for corporate America, my eating was driven by stress and anxiety. Not only were my breaks not relaxing, but I always went back to work too full and sluggish because I had stuffed my face. I was running on adrenaline all day, and it was affecting my eating habits — we all know how unsustainable this lifestyle is.
But when we live like this, we’re just borrowing time and health from our future selves. Have the discipline to sit down and enjoy three meals per day without getting distracted from your phone or work.
The quality of your meals also matters. Your mind and body deserve to be fueled with the cleanest sources of energy. If you drove a Bugatti, you wouldn’t fill it with the cheapest gas in town, would you?
If grocery shopping, cooking, and meal planning seem impossible or boring, consider meal deliveries. Not only is it a great life hack, but there are several very healthy options on the market that won’t break your bank. I’ve enjoyed ordering from Thistle for months.
I enjoy the peace of mind of having healthy, plant-based, and well-balanced meals on the busy days of my week. Using those options could also help you establish healthy habits and learn what balanced meals look like.
#4 Exercise
If you cringed just by reading the word “exercise,” you first need to work on your relationship with your body and movement.
Change your perspective, so you feel empowered, proud, and joyful as you move your body. Your body is not a punching bag for your poor nutrition and drinking choices. Going on a run because you ate too much the night before is a form of self-abuse. Start thinking of movement as a way to promote health — not to reverse the damage that you’ve done. The magic is that as you continuously focus on promoting health and not “fixing” your body, your body will probably look and feel better as a result of your consistent work. The keyword here being “consistent.”
With over a decade in the fitness industry, I can confidently state that the clients who see the most results are the people who stay consistent. It’s not even the people who work the hardest. So set your working out schedule and create rituals. If you have to, become the person who belongs to a gym, carries a workout bag, and brings a lunch cooler to work. Decide on your routine and create the schedule you’ll need to stay consistent. Treat your workouts like an appointment. That’s one reason why hiring a personal trainer works — because you actually have to show up to an apportionment.
Another factor to consider is that the different types of movement can foster different qualities of your personality. Weight training makes you feel strong and capable. Yoga brings grounding and peace. Dance makes you feel free and self-expressed. Group sports foster your sense of community and belonging. What type of movement do you need in your life right now?
The ideal scenario is to have a mix of different exercise and physical activity throughout the week. My weekly routine at the moment (because it’s ever-changing) is to lift weights three times per week, warming up with a few minutes of yoga, go for a jog once per week (or do a dance class), a yoga class once per week and then as much walking, hiking or surfing I can fit in during the weekend. Of course, use common sense and seek advice from your physician before starting an exercise program.
For some of you, this will sound like a LOT, and that’s okay. Do what you can now, and start working up to a schedule that allows for more movement daily. Just because you can’t exercise several times per week now doesn’t mean you should give up on it altogether. One day per week is 100% better than the week before when you didn’t work out at all. Progress, my friends, not perfection.
Remember to choose the activities and sports that make you happy — or at least the ones you tolerate, but you love the results from.
We were not biomechanically designed to spend our days seated in front of a computer, so the least we could do is to designate time to move with intention. Your body loves squatting, deadlifting, pushing, pulling, and rotating. If you don’t know how to or if you need to modify the movements due to an injury or disability, hire a well-qualified trainer. It will be worth every penny. I’ve invested my fair share in personal training and physical therapy, and I love what it does for me. So play your favorite music, find something you enjoy, and stick with it. Your body matters. It is the only one we have to live in, after all.
#6 Designate Self Care Time
Yes, we’re all crazy busy. But if you want to be productive and truly be the best version of yourself, you need to take care of yourself. Nobody else will, and nobody else should. It is your responsibility to make time to feel good.
My weekly habits are a salt bath, reading, staring at the view from my window while drinking my coffee, a walk on the beach, or a yoga class, and I am incorporating a form of creativity time when I can. I often draw and color with my daughter or build legos. Nail, hair care, and massages also could fall in the self-care category, but only if you enjoy it and not as your effort to be more attractive.
No matter what it is, self-care should be something you want to do, not something you feel you should do. So, if yoga is not your thing and you prefer coloring or baking — enjoy it, guilt-free! As Jen Sincero said in “You Are A Badass,” treat yourself as the most awesome person you know. Treat your body with care, stretch it, exercise it, hydrate it, celebrate it, dress it up, show it off. You only get one, and spare parts are pricey.
It’s also good to add mindfulness practice in the form of prayer, meditation, tuning in, or zoning out that connects you with your higher self, the universe, or God as a way to care for your spirit. Miracles happen when we are grounded and in-touch with ourselves. When we are aligned, our purpose seems clearer, we make wise choices, and we feel at peace. Standing in a place of clarity and peace makes everything seems possible—even your to-do list.
#7 Sleep
Most people need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep (8.5 hours for me, please). Find out the optimal time and the best window for you to consistently get the same amount of sleep.
When you do this, you’ll have more energy, be more productive, and see more results from your workouts. Our minds and bodies need time to recover. There aren’t always obvious signs that our health is being compromised, so we have to tune-in to our bodies to really listen to what they need. For me, if my eyes are twitching and my fuse is getting shorter, I know it’s time to slow my roll.
I think it’s funny how so many working professionals believe that they can feel like shit and still produce good work. Imagine what your contributions to this world would be if you were well-rested, hydrated, fed, exercised, and connected to self and your tribe. I want to see the result that that version of you produces. As a society, we have so much shame around laziness and selfishness that we can’t distinguish between our needs and what’s actually being slothful.
On that note, women are notorious for having some sort of self-worth issues that prevent them from taking even minimal care of themselves, especially when spending money on themselves. If you don’t think you are worthy of pampering and spoiling, why do you think others would see value in doing so for you? We set the standards for how we are being treated by the example we give for what WE do for ourselves.
Mic drop.
There is no medal at the end of this race for you arriving at the finish line exhausted and worn out. Just FYI.
#8 Schedule Time For Connection
In today’s busy world, it’s so easy to isolate ourselves, and that’s a problem when we’re wired for human interaction and connection.
In an interview with Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness podcast, Researcher Brene Brown said that happiness depends on connection and belonging. Investing time to catch up with friends and share your thoughts, ideas, and goals will inspire you and charge your soul’s battery.
In terms of success, our reality is created in language. We shared around the fire for thousands of years, so don’t underestimate the power of sharing your thoughts. Next time before you set yourself up for a Netflix binge, consider calling some friends first.
I feel that culturally we are making a shift, and we are leaving behind the old narratives of grinding and glorifying exhaustion. More CEOs are treating their performance like Olympians by hiring coaches, health experts, and treating their physical and mental health the respect it deserves so they can achieve everything they are dreaming of. FYI — high-level athletes are extremely focused on their recovery as a strategy for their top performance. In their corner, they have masseuses, psychologists, coaches, nutritionists, and other experts.
If you see more organizations implementing mindfulness and fitness programs at the workplace, it’s because they’ve seen the overwhelming research that when their employees are well, their productivity rises, their sick days decrease, and overall health costs decrease. Therefore they have a healthier bottom line.
Take your profitability, productivity, and wellness in your own hands and organize your life around the health of your mind, body, and spirit so you can thrive and have a healthy bottom line.
After reading this list, you probably discovered something new for yourself. You might be a master of five or six of the habits already. My suggestion is to make your list with your non-negotiable habits; you print it out and stick it to the fridge or in your office. We both know that 1,000 things compete for your attention at any given time. Don’t expect to remember your commitments. To be successful in anything, you need a system.
Write them down, put them up, and follow them: set reminders, notifications, and rituals. Honor your word and honor yourself.
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Work Life Harmony – These 11 strategies have the power to transform the stress and anxiety around your personal life, your professional life, and even your health. Doing some work upfront in the form of reflection and completing these steps will provide you with an any-case-scenario problem-solving solution. The reason why these strategies are so effective is that they are created based on your true essence and who you are from your core. When you organize your life from the inside out and around what’s most important, you gain a sense of peace of mind you may not have had since you were a child.
Often, we get so busy and buried in the daily problem-solving, we forget about the big picture. And when we try to move forward from a place of stress, we get anxious about the choices we make. We start to question everything. We feel out of balance or we experience burnout.
What you will get out of completing these steps is a short, simple, and effective tool that you can easily use to bring yourself back to center and get the clarity you need. Then, you can feel in harmony with whatever your circumstances are.
If you are using this technique correctly, you’ll be at peace, whether you are spending the majority of your time on a project and shutting the world off, or you are chilling on a hammock with a mai tai.
A sense of harmony doesn’t come from dividing up your time evenly between all your life segments—like work, family, fitness, fun, etc.—but from the feeling that you are doing the right things at the right time and that you are prioritizing correctly.
So, work-life balance is not a problem of “balance” but prioritization. Each piece gets its appropriate time and attention at any given moment. The moments are constantly changing, and you need to be able to keep dancing with what’s most important at each given moment.
To be able to decide which is most important, you’ll need to check in with your findings from completing these steps.
The first time I started playing with the ideas of the work-life “balance” was after I read the book, The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan. They introduce the idea of “counterbalance,” and how we just learn to juggle the important things and switch our focus to what’s most important at that exact time, while leaving the rest of the variables out of balance.
They make a great point that there are several aspects that you can’t juggle, but you must always prioritize, as they don’t recover from a juggle fall. They are your health, your family, and your close relationships. They make an argument that these 3 often don’t bounce back, and you don’t really want to take any chances there either.
So, let’s get to work:
Get crystal clear on your personal VALUES.
Consider this a 30-minute exercise where you brainstorm the top 10 most important things to you. Think of all areas of your life. Then, picture yourself on your deathbed, or on a rocking chair at 99 years of age, or your tombstone, if you wish. Think of potential regrets, unfulfilled dreams, or wisdom you would want to pass down. What are the top 3 things that stand out as true to your soul? What are these 3 values that are so important to you that you don’t see yourself living without them? Look at the list of possible VALUES at the end of this e-book. If you take these 30 minutes today to get clarity on your top 3 or even top 5, you can expect a huge return on investment from saving time on making decisions for the rest of your life.
Example:
My top values are health, wisdom, family, and love.
Any time I am presented with an important life choice, I check if it aligns with my values. I ask myself: “Does this support me in living with my values or does it pull me away?”
Job offers, business ideas, relationships, hobbies, and lifestyle choices could easily “run through” your top values.
2. Evaluate your current lifestyle.
Now that you have your values narrowed down to 5 at the most, take an honest look at your life. Look at the way you spend your time. Where and how does most of the time get invested? What do you pour your life force into? Give yourself a grade from 1 to 10 on each value and how you are fulfilling it NOW. Not how you want to, but how you actually are. Be honest and tell the truth.
In some areas, you may need to make small changes that lead to great results. And sometimes big transformations are needed. Small changes could be as simple as adding vitamins and omega-3 supplements back into your diet to support your health value. A life transition or a career change, for example, are bigger transformations that require a lot more attention but still need to be considered if your current life doesn’t reflect your values.
No matter how big the change may seem, acknowledge that you want to work on this area of your life and create a step-by-step plan for it. Hiring a coach could be a great support during these times.
Working with a coach has helped me during some of my biggest and hardest life transformations and transitions. During the past 5 years, I have recovered from a divorce, left my full-time job as a fitness manager, started a new business, actively dated as a single mom in her 30s, career-transitioned and started two businesses, lost and grieved my father, and created a flexible, positive, healthy, and happy co-parenting lifestyle for my daughter with her father. None of this would have been possible if I was not committed to fulfilling my greatness and therefore hiring help to support me in this journey.
Think of all areas of your life and boldly state the facts. What’s working, and what needs to improve, change, or transform? Then, take action.
3. Set new priorities.
With a new awareness of the status quo, write down what grades you want for these values in 30, 60, and 90 days. Write down what DAILY actions and habits you are going to implement. Set systems in place for all the new habits. Having a system that you can implement and then just plug in and play will ensure that you are making these new habits sustainable and lasting. For example, a system for eating healthier is to get a healthy meal delivery subscription, like Thistle. I love getting several fresh salads per week that are packed with a wide variety of vegetables that I would never otherwise purchase and prepare myself. Other examples of effective systems are carving out time in your schedule for things like time with friends, the gym, or a class you’ve been wanting to take. Actually putting it in your calendar increases the chances of it happening from near 0% to near 100%. Setting reminders on your phone is also helpful to stay faithful to your new goals.
4. Create time for your new priorities.
Make a massive cleanup of your schedule. Identify all life-sucking activities that you’ve been tolerating but you don’t truly believe serve your values and life vision.
Are you driving your children to a dozen sports activities instead of spending downtime together and connecting on a deep level? Are you spending 4 hours each weekend cleaning when you can probably afford someone to do this for you and free up a few hours for time in nature or with friends? Are you spending hours each day on social media or in front of the TV, but insisting that you don’t have time for the gym? Are there people in your life that drain your energy? Be bold and unapologetic about making massive changes to your lifestyle.
This life journey is a fleeting moment in the grand history of humanity. Spend it on your terms.
I recently had a conversation with an old friend who has seen me curate a different life over the past several years. He said that at first, I seemed cold hearted in the way I prioritized my time. He said that it seemed selfish when he saw me stick to my boundaries and decline different invitations. He had seen me end long friendships or pull away from some others. He shared that he now finds it inspirational to see the results of my hard work and how I’ve been enjoying time for the people, hobbies, and work that’s important to me and that inspires me.
Learning to limit time with family and friends that have more negative than positive effects on us could be the hardest. We can still love these people and wish them well, but it doesn’t mean that we can give them our hours.
5. Stay committed to your priorities.
Learn to comfortably and confidently decline offers that are not feeling like a “Fuck yes!” Remember that if it is not a “Fuck yes,” then it’s for sure a “Fuck no!” Don’t get pressured and cornered by well-meaning folks who ask for your time, even if it is for a great cause. If cutting down your volunteering time will mean more joy, freedom, and peace of mind due to a couple of hours of relaxing time every 2 weeks, then change your commitment. A lot of my clients tell me that they are “people pleasers,” and they hate disappointing the people around them by saying “no.” My response is that you’ll have to choose: Do you want to live with the feeling of disappointing others, or the feeling of regret of disappointing yourself? What happens often when you please others is that you build up resentment. Putting others first isn’t always noble, wise, or selfless. It’s often irresponsible. You are asked to put your oxygen mask on first in an airplane for a reason. We are only good for others when our needs are being met FIRST.
This life was given to you, for you. It is your responsibility to design it the way you find fitting. Find your truth and stay committed to it. Other people’s opinions have never paid your bills and will never lead to a fulfilling life. My favorite quote on commitment is: “If you are interested, you’ll do what’s convenient. If you are committed, you’ll do whatever it takes,” by John Assaraf.
You can apply that to your diet, fitness, relationships, business, an inspiration, project, and practically anything. Just ask yourself: “Am I committed to this, or am I just interested?” And then act accordingly.
I am constantly curating my life to make my life an expression of these values. When I first completed this exercise myself, I realized that I was barely fulfilling the health value. At the time, I ate a plant-based diet, I exercised vigorously several times per week, and I was in great health according to my yearly checkup. However, what I realized was that I was doing the bare minimum of what I knew about living a healthy lifestyle. I was practically avoiding getting fat or ill. I was not actively promoting my health by doing my very best. The intentions that drove my actions were rather weak and not inspired by serving my health. The last 3.5 years I have been transforming my relationship with my health. I’ve made huge progress in my intentions and the way I think and feel about food, exercise, and mental health.
I have been incorporating all my knowledge about health and fitness into my own lifestyle, and I am investing more time and effort into it. When I go to the gym, I think of all the benefits that movement gives to my body and how amazing it makes me feel afterward. I go into my routines with an intention to care for my body, not punish it for not being perfectly sculpted. I’ve incorporated green vegetables into my main meals and I’m mindful of the variety of fruits, vegetables, and nutrients I get from my foods like probiotics, minerals, and vitamins.
In conclusion, I identified my value and started aligning my life closer with this value.
6. Create a killer morning routine that gets you pumped up for your day: move, reflect, plan.
As Aubrey Marcus says in his book, Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex,if you master one day, progressively, you will master your life. Your life consists of individual days that, put on a string, make up your life. So, if you are not working on your goals and priorities daily, you’ll never have the life you desire. If you keep writing that book in your head, it will never get published. But if you set aside 30 minutes every day, eventually, you’ll have it written. Create the habit of taking action on ALL your goals. When you think of something that you should be doing, make it a thingyou ARE doing.
Top influencers, successful CEOs, and thought leaders have been sharing their morning routines and the importance of getting a solid and consistent start to your day. What I’ve learned from Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Tim Ferriss, Gary W. Keller, Jay Papasan, Joe Rogan, and Aubrey Marcus is that there are a few key and common across-the-board habits for the first hour after you wake. One them is a sort of movement: Move your body in a way that gets your heart rate going. It helps boost good hormones of joy and gets your metabolism and focus jump-started.
Next, reflect on what your priorities are for the day. Compare your daily actions for the week and how they measure up with your weekly, monthly, or yearly goals, or your overall vision.
Adding a cold shower, sunlight, and breathing and/or meditation to your morning are other positive practices that are backed up with tons of research and have been around for a long time.
Also, set an end of your workday. It’s nice to look forward to, let’s say, 7 p.m., when you can stop being a responsible adult. Stay away from checking your phone for messages and emails. Living life on your terms means making your priorities the big rocks and filling in the jar with the small rocks of everything else that will be demanded from you via the world.
Create your own routine and try to execute 70 to 80% of it on most days. We are going for progress, NOT perfection, as one of my favorite entrepreneurs and influencers, Marie Forleo, says.
USEFUL TIP: Completing something hard first thing in the morning will boost your confidence and help you get things done the rest of your day. Getting the worst out of the way will leave you anxiety-free and feeling accomplished the rest of the day.
Great books on this topic are: The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage, by Mel Robbins; When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing,by Daniel H. Pink; The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan; Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex,by Aubrey Marcus; and HighPerformance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way, by Brendon Burchard.
7. Create solid work boundaries.
Decide on what time you will start working and the time you will end each day, and stick to it. Having a deadline will help you stay focused during the day and be more productive. If you have been responding to work emails around the clock, you may have to do some reflection and extra work to change this. Often, it’s the corporate culture to respond to emails from 5 a.m. to 10 p.m. It may seem like an impossible goal to not be available to your boss, employees, or coworkers, but there are people out there with the same circumstances that have figured it out. If it’s not done at your company, be that visionary and disrupt the system. Do it first. I once worked at a job where the employees never took their lunch break, or they ate very quickly standing up a few minutes at a time. I decided that this didn’t work for me, so without permission, I started sitting down every day for 15 minutes to eat my meal. At first, my coworkers were shocked. I could see them just waiting for me to get in trouble. No one said anything, so after several weeks, everyone started sitting down, and it became the new official culture of the workplace for the following few years I worked there.
My point is that you need to be aware of your values and set strong boundaries around them. We tend to respect people with strong boundaries and trust them more. Be one of them.
8. End your day with thoughts of gratitude.
A great strategy is to keep a gratitude journal and a pen on your nightstand. Before putting the lights out, list a few things you are grateful for. You might be surprised that even on a bad day, if you sit down and really think, you will find several great things or moments in your day. Tons of research is coming out proving that being grateful is the fastest way to overcome fear-based thoughts and also transform our reality. Rewiring our brains to focus on the good and raising our vibration by appreciating will lead to a peace of mind, a sense of satisfaction, and joy.
I noticed that when I started this practice (after years of refusing to, because I just didn’t think it was cool), I felt much happier about my day. I often had forgotten about small wins earlier in the day. I caught myself feeling my heart filled with love for my family, my clients, and my home. Writing it down just made it so much more real and tangible. It’s such a fulfilling and rewarding way to end your days. It feels like a mini celebration of life. Each day in itself builds our lives. Celebrating each one of them will create a life worth celebrating.
9. Don’t take life too seriously.
Be flexible and become capable of detaching from your plans and how you think things are supposed to go. Detours happen. Our planning for life makes God laugh, as someone once said. At the end of the day, life is about the journey and not the destination. All paths lead home anyway, so trust that everything is happening to you at the right time. Learn to easily let go of things not going your way, and embrace the mantra, “Everything is perfect the way it is.” You missed your flight? Immediately repeat: “Everything is perfect the way it is.” You don’t know why you were steered in a different direction? Being angry and frustrated are terrible feelings and score low on the vibrational scale. They won’t help you feel balance and harmony, so even if it feels fake or irrational, try to replace them with a sense of faith that things are always working out for you.
Comedian and author of the book, Comedy Sex God, Pete Holmes, shared in an interview with Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness podcast that when things go south, he says: “Yes and thank you.” He talked about the notion of being grateful for everything that comes your way and also thinking of your misfortunes with the 5-years-later hindsight as they happen. Why wait the 5 years? Have the peace of mind now.
Another mantra that I’ve found useful is from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way: “I want to feel good.” He suggests just repeating it to help yourself get back to center. He explains at length how the purpose of our lives is to find ways to consistently feel good.
I try to think, “What is this an invitation for?” when things don’t go my way. Do I need to be more patient ,to slow down ,to look around?
When people are interviewed on their deathbeds, they often say that they wished they worried less, that they took more chances, and that they spent more time with family.
So, live life more lightly, worry less, and accept what the present is inviting you to.
10. “Enough” is the new “more.”
So often I catch myself comparing my business or my life or my parenting to others. It seems that there is still so much more that I want to experience, see, read, and accomplish. That brings me more anxiety and sadness and a kind of pressure to work harder. I catch myself judging my progress in life. In that space of judgement, jealousy, or dissatisfaction, I hardly create anything of good value. But when I get present to all that I already have, I feel fulfillment, a sense of overwhelming appreciation to the universe or life. When I think of everything that I already have in my life as a gift, I find myself inspired.
From a place of inspiration, we create what is a true reflection of our spirit. When we are aligned with our purpose in life, we move at a magical speed. We get pulled forward by our vision and we can take massive actions. We notice synchronicities, signs we are on the right path; things seem to come easily. We often make new connections, we get unexpected phone calls, and we open books to the right pages to get the ideas we hoped for. When we are on the right path, the whole universe conspires.
11. Find supportive people in your life to share your plan with.
In addition to creating systems for fulfilling your values, it would be enormously impactful for you to share your vision with the people you love and trust. If they are good partners, they’ll support you in your journey and hopefully you can inspire each other to grow and do even better. I often share with my friends the new things I am doing in my life to add value to our friendship, and share with them what I have found helpful, useful, or successful. As you can probably already see, I’ve read dozens of self-help and personal development books. I am constantly sharing with the people in my life what I am learning and trying out. It opens the conversation and often I learn new things from others as well. This type of nerding out is my favorite way to connect with people. I hope you enjoy it as well…
P.S. Send me an email with your life hacks for work-life harmony! Learning is my #1 strength according to StrengthsFinder 2.0,so I’d love to hear from you!
My wish to you, is that you are clear on your purpose, that you listen to the quiet whisper of your soul, and that you savor the harmony that pours into your heart.
If you feel you can use a new partner in your journey, a support system in the form of a personal coach, PLEASE connect with me to schedule your complimentary coaching session.
It’s my life’s purpose to support others in their journey to fulfill their greatness.
Yours in wisdom and greatness,
Kalina Cardoso
The following list of values is borrowed from one of my favorite authors and social scientists, Brené Brown. You can get her PDF from her Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. book here: https://daretolead.brenebrown.com/wpcontent/uploads/2019/02/Values.pdf